The Last

Before moving on...

You've gotta learn to stand on your own before you can stand beside someone else.
You've gotta learn to pick yourself up before you reach for someone's hand.
You've gotta learn to say no if you want your yes to have meaning.
You've gotta believe that you are beautiful without being told.
You've gotta have a whole heart before you can give it away.
You've gotta put your trust in God before you can trust another person.
You've got to stop looking before you will find what you are seeking.
You've gotta learn to love yourself before you fall for someone else.
(Journal entry 10/12/12)

Waiting

She's waiting for a word, waiting for a sign,

That she is worth something, worth somebody's time,

And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

She'll put on any mask, she'll play any role,

Just to be needed, she'll even sell her soul,

And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

Where can she turn, where can she go?

Desperate for love, for someone to hold,

But she'll keep waiting, waiting.

No one sees it, no one knows,

That she's just a shell, nobody's home.
And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

She's changed so many times, she's lost her sense of self,

Convinced if someone sees her, she will get it back,

But she's forever waiting, waiting...

(Journal entry 10/3/12)

Beautiful Disaster--Jon McLaughlin

She loves her momma's lemonade

Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference 

between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough

The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's giving boys what they want
Tries to act so nonchalant
Afraid to see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't wanna feel this way
Only 17 and tired, yeah

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is
But no one's told her that's OK

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

Declaration of Independence

I declare independence from the tyrannical rule of ED.  

I will no longer be controlled.  

I will no longer be ruled.  

I will no longer be afraid.  

I declare that I will no longer let ED tell me lies about my body.  

I will accept my body and love my body as it is.  

I declare that I will control the aspects of my life that I can and accept when I do not have control.  

I will not let ED trick me into thinking that controlling food gives me control.  

I will not be tricked into believing that the lower my weight, the more control I have.  

I will be assertive about my wants and needs, and not dismiss them.  

I will stand up for myself.  

I declare freedom from ED.  

This is a right I have.

(July 4, 2012)

A little bit stronger--Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

What hurts the most--Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say and watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most is being so close
And having so much to say and watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do