A Prayer for Recovery

Jesus,
You gave me this body, help me to respect it and honor it.
You gave me this life, help me to live it fully.
You gave me your body and blood, help me to appreciate spiritual and physical food.
You gave me unconditional love, help me to love myself and accept the love of others.
You gave your life on the cross, help me to place my suffering at the foot of the cross.
You gave forgiveness to all, help me to accept your forgiveness and forgive myself.
You gave me a purpose, help me to follow your will.
Amen.
 (Journal entry 6/1/13)

A New Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the people I cannot change,

which is pretty much everyone,

since I’m clearly not you, God.

At least not the last time I checked.

And while you’re at it, God,

please give me the courage

to change what I need to change about myself,

which is frankly a lot, since, once again,

I’m not you, which means I’m not perfect.

It’s better for me to focus on changing myself

than to worry about changing other people,

who, as you’ll no doubt remember me saying,

I can’t change anyway.

Finally, give me the wisdom to just shut up

whenever I think that I’m clearly smarter

than everyone else in the room,

that no one knows what they’re talking about except me,

or that I alone have all the answers.

Basically, God,

grant me the wisdom

to remember that I’m

not you.

Amen
- Fr James Martin

ED

I’m locked in this dungeon, cant break free,

Trapped in my head, with thoughts I hate...

Clawing, scratching, reaching trying to escape,

Emotions building inside me but hidden deep within...

A blank slate on the outside but turmoil underneath,

I’m someone I don’t want to be...

My self is lost, buried and pushed aside,

I locked it away and can't find the key...

(Journal entry June, 2012)

Sad Eyes

Sad eyes tell a story

Buried deep inside

Hidden from the world

Except when you look in her eyes

They’re begging to have the story told

Let the pain out

But no one is looking

(Journal entry 2010)

Mirror

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

Do you see who you are, or who you want to be?

Do you see all the love filling your world,

Or just see the number that appears on a scale?

Do you look towards the future, to happier days?

Or do regrets of the past hold onto your gaze?

Do you see a warrior standing strong in this war,

Or just a broken down girl, wishing for more?

When you look in the mirror what do you see?

That teary-eyed fighter, getting up, that's me.

I choose to heal

Recover--Natasha Bedingfield

Been torn apart, 

Got so many scratches and scars, 

Maybe they wont all go away,

But they'll fade, 

Maybe time can mend us together.. again. 

Its not what we've done but, how far we've come. 

We will recover 

The worst is over, now. 

All those fires we've been walking through, 

And still we survive, somehow. 

We will recover 

The worst is behind 

And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover. 

Got so much to lose, 

Seems I've lost my power to choose, oh 

What to love and when to let go, 

That all changed, 

Get bitten once and then your afraid 

What a waste, 

Look what we've done, how far we've come.. 

We will recover, 

The worst is over, now. 

All those fires we've been walking through, 

And still we survive, somehow. 

We will recover, 

The worst is behind, 

And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover. 

Everybody's gotta, a reason to cry, 

And everybody fights but, not everyone survives 

And everybody's searching, not everybody finds 

And I'm still in recovery, and I'll make it alive? 

We will recover, 

The worst is over, now. 

All those fires we've been walking through 

And still we survive, somehow. 

30:30:30:10.  Thats the odds. 30% recover completely.  30% partially recover, but will still have periods of relapse.  30% never recover.  And 10% die from their eating disorder.  That's pretty depressing statistics.  Especially in times like these when recovery seems so far away, and impossible to even fathom.  But I don't want to give up my life.  I don't want to compromise my future.  If I give in to the voices of ED, I become just another statistic.  I am more than a number.  I am more than a number on a scale, and more than a statistic on a page.  With each meal, with each day that I say no to ED, I move towards the 30% that DO recover.  "And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover."  In time.  Give it time.  Time heals all.