When will it let go?

The Last

Before moving on...

You've gotta learn to stand on your own before you can stand beside someone else.
You've gotta learn to pick yourself up before you reach for someone's hand.
You've gotta learn to say no if you want your yes to have meaning.
You've gotta believe that you are beautiful without being told.
You've gotta have a whole heart before you can give it away.
You've gotta put your trust in God before you can trust another person.
You've got to stop looking before you will find what you are seeking.
You've gotta learn to love yourself before you fall for someone else.
(Journal entry 10/12/12)

Waiting

She's waiting for a word, waiting for a sign,

That she is worth something, worth somebody's time,

And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

She'll put on any mask, she'll play any role,

Just to be needed, she'll even sell her soul,

And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

Where can she turn, where can she go?

Desperate for love, for someone to hold,

But she'll keep waiting, waiting.

No one sees it, no one knows,

That she's just a shell, nobody's home.
And she'll keep waiting, waiting.

She's changed so many times, she's lost her sense of self,

Convinced if someone sees her, she will get it back,

But she's forever waiting, waiting...

(Journal entry 10/3/12)

Beautiful Disaster--Jon McLaughlin

She loves her momma's lemonade

Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference 

between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough

The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's giving boys what they want
Tries to act so nonchalant
Afraid to see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't wanna feel this way
Only 17 and tired, yeah

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is
But no one's told her that's OK

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

Declaration of Independence

I declare independence from the tyrannical rule of ED.  

I will no longer be controlled.  

I will no longer be ruled.  

I will no longer be afraid.  

I declare that I will no longer let ED tell me lies about my body.  

I will accept my body and love my body as it is.  

I declare that I will control the aspects of my life that I can and accept when I do not have control.  

I will not let ED trick me into thinking that controlling food gives me control.  

I will not be tricked into believing that the lower my weight, the more control I have.  

I will be assertive about my wants and needs, and not dismiss them.  

I will stand up for myself.  

I declare freedom from ED.  

This is a right I have.

(July 4, 2012)

A little bit stronger--Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

What hurts the most--Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say and watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most is being so close
And having so much to say and watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Picking up the pieces

Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change (Some nights)

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? (Fix you)

Why don't you stay, I'm up off my knees

I'm so tired of being lonely, you can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go, there is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way, Baby, why don't you stay, yeah (Stay)

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn (Shake it out)

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger (A little bit stronger)

If you only knew how many times I counted
All the words that went wrong

If you only knew how I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew (If you only knew)

I don't know what I'll do to keep from missing you
Try to keep busy and hang with all my friends
But you know id rather be with you instead
No matter how far you go I won't ever forget that kiss
Believe me baby you're the reason that I write songs like this
I don't know what I'll do to keep from missing you (Missing you)

And she says oh I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cause I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best but now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down (Her diamonds)

The end of forever

When you said forever I believed you,

When you whispered I love you I thought it was real.

When you told me I'm beautiful I started to feel it,

But it was a lie, now how do I deal?

You were my companion, my best friend, you saved me,

You taught me to give love another chance.  

But it was a lie and now my heart's shattered,

Was it ever real?  Did you think it would last?

So now I'm the fool, and now I'm alone,

My heart on the floor, broken apart.

Questions unanswered, wondering what happened,

I guess forever isn't as long as I thought.
(Journal entry 9/7/12)

Shake it out--Florence and the Machine

Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play, and every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself, I like to keep my issues strong

It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind, I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues strong

But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

Cause I like to keep my issues strong

It's always darkest before the dawn

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone

It's always darkest before the dawn

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope

It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat

Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

The Fighter--Gym Class Heroes

Just waking up in the morning and to be well, quite honest with ya,

I ain't really sleep well ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?

That's when you press on - Lee nails half the population's just waitin to see me fail

Yeah right, you're better off trying to freeze hell

Some of us do it for the females and others do it for the retail

But I do it for the kids, life threw the towel in on

Everytime you fall it's only making your chin strong

And I'll be in your corner like mick, baby, til the end

Or when you hear a song from that big lady

Until the referee rings the bell

Until both your eyes start to swell

Until the crowd goes home

What we gonna do ya'll?

Give em hell, turn their heads, gonna live life til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter, here comes the fighter

That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,

This one's a fighter

And if I can last thirty rounds

there's no reason you should ever have your head down

Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds

Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town

Text book version of a kid going nowhere fast

And now I'm yelling "kiss my ass"

It's gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs

For you to recognize you really ain't got it bad

Until the referee rings the bell

Until both your eyes start to swell

Until the crowd goes home

What we gonna do ya'll?

Give em hell, turn their heads, gonna live life til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain then they'll say of me, say of me, say of me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter, here comes the fighter

That's what they'll say of me, say of me, say of me,

This one's a fighter

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor

And when your bones can't take no more

Just remember what you're here for

Cuz I know Imma damn sure

~ Fighting to take back my life... starting 5/31/12 ~